


latch

by the_mixed_up_files_of_me



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Angst and Fluff, Denial of Feelings, F/M, YouTuber!Evan, YouTuber!Zoe, falling in love with your best friend is complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-20 04:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12425100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_mixed_up_files_of_me/pseuds/the_mixed_up_files_of_me
Summary: ❛Without warning, without a sign, the moment he brought his suitcase into her apartment for the first time, he brought himself as a permanent fixture. Without one, there really can not be the other. The two major facets of her life, her apartment and her videos became a three-fold with Evan, a chain that can't be broken.❜





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!   
> Wow so much has happened since I posted my last fic! I am SO excited because *life update lol* I wrote Laura Dreyfuss a letter and sHe WrOtE BAcK!!! It is SUCH an amazingly sweet reply where she told me to stay strong and honestly, she is the absolute BEST person ever <3  
> Also as a side note, I will be posting the final two chapters to my other DEH fic Sincrely Us soon! So don't forget to check that out.  
> Thank you all so much for the endless love, support and positivity. You all are what inspires me to keep writing!   
> I truly hope you all like this new Zoe x Evan fic, it is a highly requested one! Thank you so much for reading! Sending so much love Xx

_"There's a natural chemistry..."_

_"Best friends since they met in high school..."_

_"Evan is so cute, he should totally make a channel."_

_"Zoe and Evan are goals omg"_

  
Zoe's eyes lift from her laptop, tracing across the room and landing on Evan. She knew that he'd take the comment section by storm. They're always enjoyable to read through, the outpouring of support and comments. Most notably covering her latest comment section is about her newest video with Evan.

"You're a hit, Evan."

"What?" He looks up from his book, confused.

"I said, you're a hit." Zoe folds her legs up onto the sofa and gestures for him to come over. Tentatively, Evan does; she watches his face far more than the screen as she scrolls through. He's nondescript aside from the flicker of unmistakable stunned happiness that brightens his eyes.

It had taken her almost a full week to convince him to join her for a video. Every time she so much as mentioned 'her roommate Evan', her fans filled the comments section asking for him to be in one. Myriads of excuses had come up every time she tried to rally him to make one with her. Zoe did not acquiesce; despite all that he said, she knows that the only thing that will help him get out of his shell will be too see that he doesn't have to hide behind the camera.

Evan couldn't resist Zoe for long; he had sighed slowly, dug his hands into his pockets and finally mumbled an agreement to join her.

She didn't tell him after filming but despite his quietness during the video, she noticed that he has a strong presence on screen. A certain unassuming, gentle manner when hesitantly speaking to the camera that makes someone stop to listen to what he has to say.

Zoe points her finger at the screen. "See all the great comments? People love you, Evan."

"Oh, please."

  
Zoe smiles indulgently. "How can they not? I'm getting a zillion tweets asking if you're single now."

  
His lips twitch upwards in a timid but relieved smile. "It wasn't so bad, I mean, it was kind of just like us being us and talking. Except we filmed it this time."

  
Zoe shuts the laptop, tilts her head at him expectantly. "So will you completely turn me down if I asked you to be in another one with me soon?"

He deliberates before giving her the answer that she wants.

-

Two minutes and fifty seconds.

Two minutes. Fifty seconds.

"That's as long as your video has to be," Zoe promises from behind the camera, focusing the lens away from the floor and Evan's bouncing knee. Steadying the lens on his face, she sees his doubtful expression. "That's plenty of time to introduce yourself, say a few things and end the video."

Evan extends a reaching hand towards her, despite being separated by the glaring light and camera in his face. "Why can't you be in this with me?"

"Because this is not about me," Zoe replies calmly and logically. "Just be your lovely self and it'll be fine."

"I don't know what to say," Evan objects.

Zoe doesn't have to answer. She knows that he will find the words. He always has before.

And he does now.

The camera switches on and Zoe encouragingly smiles at him from behind it. Evan draws courage from this gesture. Clearing his throat, he fights down the tightness in his throat and hears himself begin to speak.

-

The questions flood her feed as Zoe, curled up comfortably in her favourite armchair, talks into her live stream.

"' _Are you happy for Evan hitting 2k subscribers_?' Yes! I am so, so happy. He deserves all of them."

Evan, laying across the sofa with a textbook, smiles over at her. Zoe diverts her attention towards him for a fraction of a second, enough to give him the slightest facial indication of amusement.

Scanning the questions and comments flowing in, Zoe sees one in particular that stands out. "How did Evan and I meet? I think I might have mentioned this before but we knew each other in high school and since I'm in college, I needed a roommate to help me pay for my apartment. Evan and the apartment were a package deal."

A package deal. Of course she knew Evan before they moved in together, he'd always been circulating her life but never in it. It wasn't until she'd put up a notice for a roommate that he rather stumbled into the heart of her life. After going through a dozen roommates who disliked her filming constantly, Zoe desperately put up her notice for a roommate once more.

She'd expected Evan to be sick of the cameras and lighting equipment just like everyone else after a while.

He did not.

And now, he hesitantly uploads videos about anything from positive, warm encouragement or little stories about his life and the people he's met. Zoe's not ignorant to the confidence this has given him; his slow and steady blossom of self assuredness is a relief to her.

Without warning, without a sign, the moment he brought his suitcase into her apartment for the first time, he brought himself as a permanent fixture. Without one, there really can not be the other. The two major facets of her life, her apartment and her videos became a three-fold with Evan, a chain that can't be broken.

A package deal.

-

She first notices it on a December morning.

Pouring tea into two separate cups, they stand at the glass doors leading to their tiny balcony overlooking the snow-capped rooftops of the town. Flakes of snow speckle the glass, silver clouds and pale rays of light mingle together. Quiet fills every inch of the room and the cinnamon tea is sweet on her tongue.

She looks over at him fondly and for the first time, notices how his face looks when illuminated by the glowing early morning sunlight.

Zoe shakes it off and dismisses it.

Dismissing it doesn't abate the flares that spring to life at the most random moments, much to her confusion. When they film a video together and laugh too hard to continue the story; she always notices how his eyes glitter and his nose crinkles as his laughter pleasantly fills the room, melding with her's.

Another flare rises in her chest is as she scrolls through her tweets and comes across fan art of the two of them, clearly holding hands. It's realistic, so realistic that Zoe wonders if she has ever looked at Evan like the artist has depicted.

Zoe just taps the like button and keeps scrolling.

-

Living together sets up certain situations that can't be avoided. Grocery shopping. Power outages. Sickness and health. Family and friends coming over.

For the first time, Heidi comes to stay overnight while Zoe and Evan have winter break.

Zoe wishes that there is a way to tell if Heidi actually likes her or just views her as the random girl that lives with her son. Heidi is always sweet, undoubtedly so, but she observes them with the sharp eyes that only a protective mother has. And she always looks as though she has something to say to Zoe but the proper words to convey her message haven't been created yet.

This visit is no different.

As Evan goes to get her suitcase from the car, there's a brief pause that leaves them both alone in Zoe's bedroom.

"This is your room?" Heidi asks, looking around at the pastel design.

Zoe nods, fiddles with one of the numerous bracelets that line her wrist. "You've never stayed over before so Evan and I thought you might like my room."

"Where will you sleep?"

It's blunt, forwardly put. It isn't a question, not really. Not in the traditional sense. It's a statement, one that says far more than the surface.

"Evan was going to sleep on the couch, I'll take his room."

Heidi pauses and her lips part as though she has something to say but Evan comes in with her suitcase and the unspoken words dissolve.

-

Zoe has never slept in Evan's room before.

She's been in it a thousand times; she'd practically lived in there when he had the flu last year and she'd taken care of him tirelessly. They'd filmed a few videos in it; most are in her bedroom or the living room. But to be alone in it and look around makes her notice for the first time that he's changed some things. It used to be stark, white, unemotional.

Now it reminds her of a forest; the indoor plants, the pale green walls, the soft lights. So very _him_.

Zoe is tying her bathrobe when Evan knocks on the door.

"Hey," he says, opening it slightly. "Are you comfortable in here?"

Zoe comes closer. "Of course. The changes that you made are really cool. It's not so...cold."

Evan flushes, timidly casting his eyes across the room. "I'm glad you like it." His head tilts against the door frame, looking shadowed and faded in the dim light.

Zoe doesn't know why her chest feels tight. "Yeah, I really do."

And he smiles, his quiet smile. "Thanks for letting my mom stay."

"Of course, it's no problem." Zoe licks her lips and swallows before gathering the courage to ask him, "Do you think that...she likes me?"

Evan's eyes widen. "I don't see how she can't not like you."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not."

Zoe draws in a breath and leans against the doorframe with him, closing off the proximity between their two faces. It's closer than she thought it would be. In a low voice, she says, "I think that she thinks I'm just a weird, random girl who lives with her son. She barely remembers me from when you and I were in high school together."

"She just doesn't know you, that's all. And you're not weird. Or random."

Nervous fingers play with the ribbon around her waist. Zoe dips her head and stares at the carpet, observing the pattern before quietly saying, "Thanks, Evan." There's a pause; lifting her eyes, Zoe wonders if he's always stood so close before.

Evan takes an abrupt step back. "I better go to bed. Night, Zoe."

"Night."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo everybody! The love and support that I've gotten for this fic means so much to me, thank you all for it! Sending lots of love <3

There's questions that Heidi wants to ask and there are questions that Heidi knows better than to ask.

Starting with, _does her son have any idea how Zoe looks at him?_

She's watched their videos, of course she has. Seeing Evan find a sense of connection with others through positive videos gives Heidi an undeniable sense of relief. When he had first moved in with Zoe, Heidi naturally questioned how long it would last.

She questioned it until she first saw them interact together.

They'd come to her house for dinner and any concerns Heidi had dissolved right away. The private looks, the inside comments, occasional reassuring touches, knowing smiles…anyone would think that they're married and for a brief moment Heidi forgot they were roommates and not actually dating.

Heidi sees the commenters on their videos together; skimming through them, she sees the constant remarks about their closeness both physically and personally.

It seems inevitable to Heidi that they begin to date eventually.

Her conviction on this is only solidified when she watches them together the next morning. Evan's fingers linger on Zoe's arm as they quietly talk about something in the kitchen before breakfast. Before Zoe leaves to get the mail, her lips brush against Evan's cheek as she leans across the kitchen island to say goodbye.

Heidi is a quiet observer.

-

After Heidi returns home post-winter break, university resumes leaving Evan and Zoe alone together only in the evenings and mornings. Semesters are always difficult on them; rushed and early mornings, separate and studious nights.

"Hey, is it ok for Alana to come over later? We're doing a video together," Evan asks, trying to brush his teeth as Zoe blow dries her hair, their various products crammed onto the small sink.

"It's just as much my flat as it is yours," Zoe reminds him, lifting her arm so he can get past her to rinse his mouth. "We ought to think about getting something a little bigger, we're outgrowing this one," she lightly comments and waits for his reply.

Waits to see if he mentally includes her in his future plans. Not as though it's been a question in her mind, but Zoe does feel his absence lately more than ever with their schedules constantly conflicting and pulling their time together apart.

He glances at her in the mirror as he searches for a comb in the mess of clutter. "Sure, that's a good idea."

Zoe doesn't know why there is such a large sense of relief that fills her chest when he speaks.

-

It's been a long night, a long night tucked away in the library at university pouring endlessly over books. Zoe wearily unlocks the door to the flat and is greeted by the sounds of laughter. She'd forgotten about Alana coming over. Setting her textbooks on the counter, Zoe is more than ready to shower and go to bed. Walking by Evan's room to her's, the door is cracked open to his and she sees them as she walks by.

Evan's cheeks are flushed in a soft rose colour from laughter. Alana's bright voice fills the room. "I swear, Evan, you saved my life that day. For real."

"Oh, stop."

"I will not," Alana lightly remarks, leans forward and her hand presses against his knee.

It's brief, so brief that Zoe would have wondered if it even happened if it isn't for the immediate tingles that race down her spine and the instantly dry feeling in her mouth. Backing away from the door, Zoe steps into the washroom and tries to resume her original purpose for coming down the hall as if nothing happened.

This can't be jealously. _It's not,_ Zoe tells herself as she pulls her shirt over her head and turns on the shower taps. _There's nothing to be jealous over. We aren't an item, girls can be all over him for goodness sake._

 _Besides_ , she reasons, as hot water flows from the faucet and distracted hands scrub shampoo into her hair, _Girls have touched Evan before and I didn't care so why should I now?_

The answer seems to come down with the steady stream of water and Zoe's brain forces herself to see exactly why.

With the other girls who have, Evan has always pulled away, always showed some way of expressing a lack of interest in them.

Evan never pulled away from Alana.

And all at once without any warning, things change for Zoe.

-

"I don't like him," Zoe informs Jared as they pretend to be actively studying in the library. As Evan's only friend, by extension that makes him her's as well, in a neither planned or predicted manner.

"So you dislike him?"

"No, I don't like him in that way. Of course, I like him but I don't _like_ him."

"It's all about emphasis on wording, it changes everything," Jared replies with humour. Zoe casts him a look from across the table, unamused.

"You're being impossible."

"Of course I am, especially since you're being ridiculous about this."

He turns the tables in such a way that Zoe is surprised by this. "Ridiculous? I am? About what?"

"You're being ridiculous about the whole 'liking each other' thing. You _like_ him, he _likes_ you. Yes, with that emphasis. Literally everybody knows it. It's time to stop living in your weird, self-imposed denial and just start…I don't know, having cute babies or something. You guys are so NOT platonic, oh my god…"

Zoe is uncomfortable. Jared knows her and most of all, Jared knows Evan. Of course she doesn't like Evan in _that_  way, she can't like him in _that_  way, surely Jared is just making fun—

"Evan doesn't like me in that way, I can assure you of that," Zoe forces out in her calmest and most casual voice she can muster. "He literally just had Alana over and they were pretty cosy."

"He barely even knows her," Jared protests before saying in a dismissing tone, "You can't possibly say they magically fell in love over the course of two week back at university. Sometimes, boys and girls hang out together without wanting to jump in the sack. I wouldn't think much of it. Besides, if you don't like him in that way, why do you care so much?"

Zoe's reply is irritated. "Um, I don't care. What are you talking about?"

Jared leans forward across the table, close enough so she sees every detail of his face. With great effect, he says, "Because you are literally blushing so hard, you look like you're running a fever."

Her cheeks grow warmer yet. "Oh, shut up." Reaching across the table, she sweeps her books into her bag and gathers her scattered pencils and erasers. _I can't like Evan, I absolutely can't, Jared is just teasing me again…_

Getting to her feet, swinging her bag over her shoulder, she quips at him, "Well, I'm off to go have an incredibly platonic dinner with Evan because that's exactly what him and I are, Kleinman. Platonic."

As her back turns to him, he calls after her, "I can't wait to be the best man at your wedding. Try to pick some hot bridesmaids for my sake."

Spinning on her heel, she pauses long enough to dramatically roll her eyes at him.

-

Somewhere, maybe, she's always known exactly how she feels about Evan. One persistent thought that she has tucked away so far in her mind that it took Jared's bluntness to force it out of her. Ever since talking with Jared, she's felt the change. Her heart was the locked box and now she has lost the key to seal herself off again. Everything is open, spilling out and she doesn't know how she feels about this at all.

She can't go back now, she knows that more than ever. Dismissing it, denying it, pushing it away suffices temporarily. Until he smiles at her, until his hands brush against her skin, until he says something so personal and so intimate that electricity sparkles through her system all over again.

-

Evan is pressed close to her on the sofa, his arm draped across the back of the sofa, hovering over her shoulders in a way that Zoe simultaneously loves and hates; loves how protected and cosy she feels with him, hates how her pulse is in her throat. It never used to be. _Why did things have to change…and worse yet, why am I the only one that feels this way?_ Rejection would be worse than unrequited.

"Yes, so we'll definitely vlog our day trip to New York City, don't worry," Zoe promises her viewers and tilts the laptop screen closer to read more comments. The majority are filled with excited exclamations of how cute she and Evan are, several plead for them to do something cute for the camera.

"Cute? Like what?" Evan lightly says and Zoe manages a cheerful smile, even though her stomach twists and mouth feels as though cotton has been forced inside of it. Her pulse, once in her throat, is now in her head, loud and all she can hear.

Turning her head a fraction, her eyes pry off of the monitor and focus on his face. His dark lashes that flicker, the soft curves of his lips and cheeks, the slow crease of a smile that grows as he speaks to the monitor with newfound confidence—

She's been fortunate enough to see him turn into the far happier person that he is today and she can not imagine trading this for anything in the world.

She's caught up in him, caught up in his smile and his eyes. There's a divorce between her feelings and the moment they're in together; a comforting and cosy night together with the hazy lights and the warm blanket spread over their knees. So different from her conflicted and rampant confusion.

Her body and voice feel and sound completely out of her control as she says, "Hey, we can give the people what they want, right?"

And with impulse over logic, she's extended her hand and is cupping his face in her palm, drawing him close to her and he catches her kiss with his own. It's different than she ever expected it to be; not that she'd imagined them kissing before, _of course not_. It's gentle and mild, neither overly explosive or overtly passionate, something so effortlessly natural between them as if they've done it a thousand times before.

She hates how much she wants more. How much she wants to hold him closer still, how much she longs to just disappear with him into their own world, how much she just wants to feel his lips on her's even longer than this.

Realisation mingles with crushing reality; it's too long of a kiss, it's too much to process all of a sudden. A kiss this long can't mean _nothing_ and Zoe knows that it can't mean _something_.

Hastily breaking the kiss apart, she hides her trembling hands by entwining her fingers together and clasping them on her knee. Unable to bring herself to look at him for any kind of indication of a reaction, her skin prickles as if on fire. Nervous laughter jars her throat, her thoughts racing;  _what's Evan going to do, what's he going to say, oh my god_ …

She makes herself speak even though the livestream is the furthest thing that her mind is on now. "Well, there you go."

It's a hit on the internet and a metaphorical hit to her.

The air is gone from her lungs and Evan's sudden quietness is far more mortifying than any amount of dismissal of it. The livestream ends shortly thereafter and there is a brief pause when she shuts the laptop and the unspoken question presses in on them both so painfully loud and obvious.

"I've…I've got to go call Mom," Evan suddenly says and leaps up from the sofa. Zoe follows suit, rambling about having to study for a test tomorrow.

_Nothing happened because nothing can happen._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments, they mean so much to me! I'm so sorry that this chapter is shorter, there's been a lot going on and I'm working on finishing my other fic Sincerely Us (which will be updated this week). Hugs and happy reading Xx

Sleep escapes her, naturally, and her eyes remain glued to the ceiling as her mind replays the incident over and over again. It's impossible not to. Mixed feelings of both pleasure and pain run through her mind and with a pang, she recalls his immediate silence that followed the kiss. He barely breathed a word to her for the rest of the night, murmuring a quick goodnight and disappearing into his bedroom and shutting the door.

His absence from her for the rest of the night aches worst of all.

Flicking on the bedside lamp, she forces herself to her feet and wanders into the kitchen for a glass of water. Filling her glass, she turns around to go back to her room and almost spills the entire contents of the glass onto Evan.

"I didn't know you were awake, sorry," Evan amends, "I didn't mean to scare you…"

"You didn't," Zoe quickly insists. A pause follows this; standing in his rumpled pyjamas, squinting slightly from the overhead light, he looks small and hesitant. Zoe sucks in a breath, her hand growing cold from the glass, any semblance to peace of mind officially shattered.

It has to be addressed. It absolutely has to. Ignoring it is making things worse than ever. It's late, her head hurts and she can't bear the unspoken any longer. "Evan, about earlier…I don't want you to think that—"

"It's fine, really," he interrupts. "I didn't think anything of it, I mean you're my best friend so kissing isn't like…weird or anything for us. If that makes sense. It probably doesn't and I don't mean like 'friends with benefits' thing but just we're comfortable with each other so…"

 _He's rambling because he's nervous_ , Zoe thinks with a sinking feeling. _As nonchalant as he's playing, I've changed things. Why couldn't I keep it in check, why couldn't I just forget about my own stupid feelings_ —

"Well, I'm glad it's not a big deal because it really isn't," Zoe says and manages a painfully bright smile. Her body betrays her attempts at casualness; her throat is tight, eyes suddenly prickling. "It was just a little thing for the fans, of course."

"Yeah, of course." He exhales a breath abruptly, as if he has been holding it the entire time.

Another pause, more uncomfortable and unsettling than the first.

"I'm going to go back to bed."

"Me too."

-

Perhaps, deep down, Zoe always thought that he felt the same. That he too had hidden feelings that he kept buried around her. That behind every affectionate look, every brief but significant touch, every simple and domestic word they exchange between each other—

Apparently he does not and Zoe cannot imagine a worse feeling.

Zoe wistfully thinks of the time before all of this, before winter break. Those precious months where everything was so pure and brimming with affection. Granted, they'd always been overtly physical together, always touching, always gravitating towards each other.

But for those fragilely beautiful months, something had shifted. A fever steadily rising in temperature, burning their hearts and igniting their bones. And for one, _one_ moment Zoe had the single fleeting thought that changed her completely.

They'd been filming, or trying to, that is. It had all been a bit of a mess, neither able to get through the story they were telling. They couldn't stop laughing; she could scarcely breathe, leant back on the bed and he'd followed suit, overcome.

All at once, Zoe knew that there is no one else in the entire universe that she'd rather laugh with.

And now that Zoe has accepted these feelings, much to her own resignation, she has to be alone with them and the wretchedly painful realisation that Evan doesn't feel the same way about her. To have kept it private, to bury her emotions for him would have been so much better because now that the spark has ignited, it's a flame inside of her chest. Always burning, always sparkling.

That one stupid, impulsive, unthinking kiss and she's drowned so deeply in Evan that she can't swim out.

-

Time works in their favour, as days shift into a month. February is bitterly cold and studies are difficult. The already formed divide between them only intensifies and that's far more cold and more difficult to cope with.

His newfound confidence diminishes and tarnishes, his videos become more sporadic. Tucking into their respective bedrooms, they study over textbooks and their nightly dinners together become a once a week occurrence. More than once, Zoe pauses outside his doorway and lifts her knuckles to the door but can't gather the courage to knock. Evan, more reclusive by the day, skips a week of university, complaining of a sore throat.

Everything is bleak and grey.

She can't find the energy to cry over this. Crying would be acceptance and she refuses to accept that things have changed. They're strangers in their own home and all because of one moment.

She is left to wonder how Evan feels about any of this. Silent, private Evan Hansen.

To make matters worse, their kiss is in her face every time she turns on her social media apps. Everyone in the universe seems to have screenshotted it. Zoe refuses to permit herself to look at the pictures, logging out and leaving her phone untouched for days.

-

"I want to clear something up," Zoe watches herself saying to the camera, "Evan and I are not together. We aren't dating. That kiss was just something that was for you all that in the moment, seemed like a cute thing to do. But to clarify again, Evan and I are roommates and friends and that's it."

 _Post_.

Zoe shuts her laptop, unable to brace herself for the inevitable comment that will follow. She's exhausted to the bone and exhaustion always breaks down defences. Lifting her phone off of her desk, she scrolls through her fan's tweets until she finds a picture of the kiss. Was it really like what she imagined it to be both in the moment and afterward?

Looking at it, she realises that she never even felt Evan's hand on her knee during it. Never realised that his hand was pressed against her lower back so warmly, so intimately. It reignites the fire inside of her and it burns so deeply that Zoe shuts the phone off and tosses it away from her onto her bed, as if the phone has grown hot.

-

She finds his hoodie in a rumpled ball on top the dryer the next evening. Lifting it, Zoe holds the warm fabric in her hands. He must have just taken it off when he got in, it's still damp from the misting fog that hovers low around the streetlights outside. Wondering where he could have been all day, Zoe hesitates before placing it in the washing like the rest of the clothes. Bringing it to her face, she takes a deep breath, letting the scent of Evan linger in her senses.

He must know about the video but he hasn't said anything about it. Yet again, silence is a sickening friend to be accompanied by for Zoe.

Burying her flushed cheeks into the folds of the hoodie, Zoe feels it become progressively more damp as tears painfully swell. The hoodie is a reminder of Evan and that's soothing to her, despite all of this. Breathing in his scent, her mind slips back into their shared memories, his warm embraces, his comforting smiles and everything that reminds her of what she thinks she has ruined. She takes it with her into her bedroom; she doesn’t want to let go, not yet. Laying down on her bed, Zoe pulls the hoodie over her head even though it's sleeves go well past her wrists and the fabric is dampened by her tears.

She shuts her damp eyes closed for desperately needed sleep.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! I'm back with another update. Life has been really stressful and busy lately so I'm sorry for the scattered updates but thank you all SO MUCH for the endless support. I have the best readers in the universe!
> 
> Also, as a side note, I'm sure a lot of you know about the concert happening to raise money for the recovery in Houston. I asked Laura if there is a way to donate online if you live too far away to go to the concert, and she said yes! Here's a link to the where you can go to make online donation for the amazing cause: (https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/team/love-letter-to-houston)
> 
> Anyway, happy reading and tons of love to you all Xx

Heidi invites them both over for the weekend. Initially, Zoe declines; Evan surely doesn't want her there. Much to her surprise, Heidi insists and Evan breaks out of his silence long enough to agree with her.

The Hansen house is always cosy and reassuring to Zoe, far more so than her actual home. Evan always seems different at his house too, more relaxed and mellow, usually spending his time at his mother's side.

Zoe and Evan have to talk and they do; conversation is smoother than Zoe anticipates. Civil, friendly but he keeps his distance and she knows that she's keeping her's too. Heidi makes no comment on this during all of Saturday.

It isn't until early Sunday morning, when Zoe, unable to sleep longer, stumbles into the kitchen to discover hot cocoa on the stove and Heidi at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.

"You're up early," Heidi lightly comments.

Zoe replies, "Couldn't sleep any more." And pours herself a cup of hot cocoa. Hesitating, she's grateful when Heidi initiates things by reaching over and pulling back a kitchen chair. Zoe takes a seat.

Heidi asks, "How come you couldn't sleep? Is the bed in the guest room not comfortable?"

"No, it's a wonderful room. Thank you for even inviting me to stay."

"Any time," Heidi says and Zoe has never been treated so warmly by her before. Breaking through her negativity, this manages to bring a smile to Zoe's face. Heidi pauses before continuing, "Do you have a lot on your mind? Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

At once, Zoe begins to reject this but then holds her tongue. If anyone would know what to do, how to make things right with Evan, it's his own mother. And perhaps there is a highly indirect way to ask what to do without making things officially weird between both Evan and his mother. "Ms. Hansen—"

"Heidi, please. You make me sound old with the 'Ms.' thing."

"Heidi, what do you do when you…really care about someone and they really don't care back?"

"I assume you mean, in _that_ way."

"Emphasis on _that_ ," Zoe agrees, remembering Jared's words.

Heidi pauses, closes her newspaper and meets Zoe's eyes. "Well, it depends. Does this mystery person know that you care?"

"I…I think so."

"And does he know that it's ok for him to care?"

"Pardon?"

"Miscommunication has destroyed far more relationships than it ever should. Before you just assume that he doesn't care, why don't you check your facts? Perhaps he thinks that you regret caring about him due to something that has come up or that was said. Two people staring at each other and wanting to say something but never getting the nerve to do it are never going to be happy. Maybe that one person doesn't like you back. That's possible. But maybe he does. You're a logical girl, Zoe, Wouldn't you rather know than waste time guessing and assuming?"

"So be straightforward?"

"It may help you more than you know. Wallowing in self pity and miserable thoughts won't help either you or Evan one bit."

Heat floods Zoe's cheeks and she struggles to remain impassive. "Why do you think Evan and I…"

"I watched your livestream," Heidi calmly says and takes a sip of her drink, "That was quite a kiss. And you're quite a girl, Zoe."

Zoe is stunned, warm and mild emotions tumbling through her mind and her tired soul soaks in Heidi's kindness like a sponge. A small smile on her lips matches Heidi's and Zoe notices for the first time just how sweet the hot cocoa is.

-

Drinks with friends.

How bad can it be? Zoe reasons the following Sunday night while studying her reflection in the mirror. Tugging at the hem of her sparkling skirt, she wonders why she ever let her friend convince her to wear this contraption.

Evan appearers in her bedroom doorway. "You ready to go?"

He's still in his rumpled day clothes. Zoe is bewildered. "Are you not going?"

He inhales slowly, "I don't know if I should."

"Are you sick?"

"No but—"

"But what?"

There's something on the tip of his tongue but refuses to come out. Finally, with a softening look, his gaze leaves her eyes and drifts down to her skirt. "That's, um, bright."

Zoe rolls her eyes. "It's ridiculous. One of the girls told me to wear it."

"I like it, if that helps." A pause. "You look really pretty, Zoe."

The room is still, the unspoken between them more silent than ever.

"I wish you'd come with me tonight," Zoe finally says, the silence having grown unbearable.

Evan hesitates before laughing, amused at himself. "I'm a lightweight, you definitely know that."

"True…" Zoe has nursed Evan's hangovers more than once. It's never an enjoyable scene. "You could keep me company, though."

And with unrepressed, imploring eyes, she gazes at him and waits for an answer.

She's irresistible to him, always has been and always will be.

-

It's flashing lights and pounding music, warm air and heated bodies.

"I hate this," Evan hisses and Zoe agrees with him.

Tucked into the furthest possible corner of the club, they amuse themselves by stacking the peanuts from the glass dish on top of themselves. It's been too long since they've acted this way around each other, effortlessly natural and compatible.

"Let's have a drink," Zoe suggests and Evan, his judgment blurred by the cacophony of music and people, willingly takes one with her. It's acidic, burning down his throat. Zoe laughs at his repulsed face.

"That's disgusting," Evan says, however the room isn't spinning and it _does_  make his skin tingle with spreading warmth that is somewhat enjoyable.

"One more?" The bartender asks.

-

Five more.

Zoe can smell the alcohol on both of them as she brings her face inches from his to speak above the music. "Can you feel your face?"

Evan stares at her blankly for a long time before saying, "I can't feel your face."

"Yeah, I said _your_  face."

" _Your_ face," he repeats and starts straight up giggling uncontrollably, cheeks rosy and flushed. "I can't feel my face but your's is…really gorgeous, do you know that? Do I tell you that enough?"

Even through the alcohol, Zoe's heart is sober. Is this really him talking or is it too many drinks? She's sick of the questions, sick to her stomach the more that she dwells on it. "Evan…"

"That's my name," Evan confirms before another spiel of laughter.

She finds herself giggling too until another wave of solemness crashes over her. "I've missed this, you know. Missed us being us."

A spark of actualisation crosses his face and lightens his eyes. "I miss you, I'm sorry I've been so wired lately…wired… _weird_ , that's the word. Not wired."

The club is a million miles away and so are the people as he comes nearer to her, near enough for his lips to almost brush against her's. It's so close yet there might as well be a thousand feet between them.

"Are you ok lately? Did I completely screw things up? Listen Evan…when I say that I'm so effing sorry about that kiss. I wasn't thinking—"

Evan wavers slightly, almost tipping forward onto her. Her clumsy hand presses against his shoulder to steady him, about to let go but unwilling to. Sliding her palm against the smooth fabric of his shirt, her arm seems designed to go around his neck.

"I missed you so much," he says and there is unmistakable emotion behind his words. "So, so much."

She can't bear it any longer, can't bear this any more. "Why did I ruin everything?"

His eyes, always his most expressive feature, don't leave her's. He's struggling to find words, coherent ones that can explain everything inside of his head for the past month. "You didn't ruin anything, you could never ruin anything—"

"Shut up, I did and you know it." Zoe has reached her emotional side of drunkenness, the initial exhilaration diminishing into all of her hidden, battered thoughts that her sober mind keeps far away from herself.

He's brushing her hair out of her face with gentle hands and the feeling of his touch is like fire. One she's more than willing to be burned by but knows better than to let herself believe in. She can't let herself hope in this, it's too good to be true. "Zoe, please…"

"Don't 'Zoe please' me." Zoe removes her arm from Evan's neck, digs her fingers into her palms and struggles to get up. The fire is too hot. "I'm sorry and it was stupid."

The floor tips and Zoe staggers towards the door with the unsteady legs of a small child. If Evan calls after her, she can't hear him above her own scattered breathing and the pulsing music that radiates every step she takes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So here is the final chapter of 'Latch'. Thank you all so much for supporting this fic! It means so much to me. I hope you all like the resolution to this story. Sending love <3

Evan isn't far behind her. Rushing after Zoe, he arrives home shortly after she does. Immediately he sees her shaking shoulders as she is sits on the sofa, clutching one of the pillows to her chest. Evan stumbles forward, the floor shifting him onto the ground in front of her. Opening her eyes, she looks down at him.

"You didn't do anything that I haven't wanted to do since I met you," Evan says and his face meets her knees as he leans forward to rest his head in her lap. Both worshipful and desperate. Her delicate fingers run through his hair, her head bent over his.

"Really?" Zoe doesn't dare to let herself believe this yet.

Evan raises his head long enough to look her in the eyes. "You're the best thing to ever happened to me, you know that?"

His face blurs again as tears flood her eyes. Mascara spreads onto her hand as she drags her palm across her cheeks. There's one thing she has to say, one thing before this night is over. "Evan, I really love your stupid face, ok?" She manages a slight shuddering laugh that he echoes. Her tired voice grows serious once more. "No matter what."

His cool hands gather her's in his and bring them to his lips in a quiet, soft kiss. "I love you, Zoe. More than you know."

Zoe shifts her exhausted body over and helps Evan get to his feet and lay beside her. Resting her head on his shoulder, the consoling grip of his arms around her body is all she's wanted for a long time.

She doesn't have to question that it's all he's wanted too.

-

Evan wakes up first.

Her small body is laying across his almost completely, limbs tangled up around each other, her rising and falling chest pressed against his. Evan doesn't dare to move, wondering if this is an illusion that can shatter at any moment.

It doesn't.

Zoe is sleeping peacefully, one of the only reminders of the night before is her smudged make up. One of them must have reached for the blanket that lays across the back of the couch at some point, it's twisted uncomfortably around her. Evan carefully smooths it over them and the smallest sigh escapes Zoe's lips as she stirs, eyes flickering open and adjusting to the light.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Does she remember what we said last night? Evan doesn't know if this something he should mention or wait for her to mention. Things said while drunk rarely have positive consequences. However, Zoe isn't making any move to get off of him, which Evan dares to take as a good sign to mean that she doesn't hate him. She lifts herself slightly on his chest, forehead almost pressed against his. He almost drops his hand from her waist but with one touch, she presses her hand against his to keep it there and he freezes.

They gaze at each other for one second that hangs in pure suspension.

The alarm from one of their bedrooms jolts them both.

"What day is it?" The words fly out of her mouth.

"It's Monday…oh my god, we're late for classes."

Zoe trips over the coffee table as she rushes to get up, Evan closely following her into their separate bedrooms to change. Zoe, yanking a new blouse over her head, appears in Evan's bedroom doorway where he is fumbling to unbutton his shirt.

"We didn't…" Zoe draws in a breath.

"No, no, no, no…I don't think so?" Evan doesn't have to add for either of them _I think I'd remember that_. Zoe strides forward and starts button his new shirt for him.

"Unzip me," she orders and in any other context, this would be a highly different situation. He undoes the zipper on the hip of her skirt, fingers pausing, unsure just what exactly to do next. She does; stepping out of the skirt, letting it fall around her ankles, Zoe hurriedly puts on her jeans as Evan finishes the series of buttons on his shirt that she started.

They're rushing, barely speaking, the tension unbearably tight between them. Evan watches her run a brush through her hair, willing himself to just speak. And Zoe has taught herself silence, a silence that hurts. _If we walk out that door, we'll never have the courage to talk about this again_. The tension hums as their eyes meet in the mirror, long enough to beg the other to speak.

Until it _snaps_.

Zoe is moving towards the door, hand wrapping around the handle before Evan hastily says, "Zoe, wait."

"We don't have time to wait," Zoe makes herself say despite her inner pull back towards him.

He tries to find the words. "Yeah, but we have waited long enough."

Zoe lets go of the handle.

He brings his palms against the front of his jeans, drying them of any perspiration. Since they met in high school, since he dropped his suitcase on that linoleum kitchen floor, he thought he knew everything he'd ever want to say to her. And of course he'd imagined it…all the alternatives are so different than what's unfolding right now. Drunken promises, a frantically rushed morning and a month prior with barely speaking to each other is nothing like what he imagined.

Zoe's jeans rustle as she closes some of the distance between them, hoveringly close but with enough distance to set a specific boundary. Too close and she'll never be able to walk away unscathed. "About last night…"

"I'm sorry I said those things."

Zoe is shocked. "Why?"

Evan hastens to explain, "I probably put you in a really uncomfortable situation. You're the best friend I could ever ask for and I don't want to ruin anything just because of…me."

 _"Miscommunication has destroyed far more relationships than it ever should"_. Heidi's words ring, clear and unequivocal in Zoe's mind. _Words_ , it always comes down to words and the spoken versus the unspoken.

"Evan, if you felt this way, why didn't you speak to me? I thought that you were upset with me." A step closer to him.

His eyes grow larger, stunned and bewildered, as if the mere idea of her upsetting him is outlandish in of itself. "You thought I wasn't speaking to you because of you? Oh, god." And laughter escapes his throat before he continues with a hint of desperation, "Believe me, Zoe, I am not and never will be upset with you. I thought that you didn't want to talk to me because I kissed you back."

"But I kissed you first."

"I thought that you thought that I purposely made it last longer and that freaked you out."

"Oh…my god." Zoe's processing, her head spinning, heart leaping ahead with newfound relief. Things are changing, things are shifting. The day, once seemingly stretched out before her in a muddled, miserable grey mess of confusion has taken a turn that she could not have ever foreseen. Darting her tongue out, she runs it across her dry lips, her voice scarcely over a whisper as she dares to ask, "What does this mean for us then?"

Evan says, with a voice that wavers with unsaid but desperate hope, "There's an us?"

"When has there ever not been us?"

"Never."

His skin is warm to the touch as Zoe outstretches her arm and he follows suit, palm settling in her's with a clasp made just for her. His throat is tight, it's impossible to speak and she is far too caught up in him for any words. With more courage than he ever thought he possibly had in him, he presses his lips against her's, letting their grasp go long enough to cradle her face in his hands.

He feels Zoe smile against his lips.

-

There's so much that happens afterwards.

Dates seem to fly off of the calendar, one after the other. University coming to an end, a new home being bought.

Is it really only within one year that a silver ring has become a permanent feature on Zoe's finger?

She's a stunning bride. The smallest of weddings, the most peaceful of receptions, something so incredibly intimate and personal.

And perfect for them.

-

Pressing a hand against her waist, she leans over the back of his chair and presses a kiss against his cheek. He smiles and laughs, the very laugh that made her fall so deeply in love with him from the moment they met.

"Our followers are going to have a field day with this one," Evan remarks, gazing at the computer monitor that displays the video thumbnail of the two thin pink lines that have changed their lives.

Zoe, still hovering over him, settles her hands on his shoulders. "Without them we may never have moved in together and none of this would have happened."

Evan's eyes flicker. "This is probably the only time I'll ever say this, but thank god for the internet."

Zoe smiles, kisses the top of his head before pulling herself off of him and heading for the kitchen. "Ready for dinner? I think the pizza is here."

Getting up, Evan pauses just long enough to tap the computer mouse.

 _Post_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! Feel welcome to leave comments or kudos, they always make me smile! Xx


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